Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We must be our own before we can be another’s.”
I’ve become really absorbed in the idea of self-exploration recently. I’ve been interested in, most importantly, how I feel about myself. Shortly after I began wondering who I actually was, my friend Maya introduced me to the act of “dating yourself”. She went to a restaurant, walked around, and spent a lot of time with only herself. I was intrigued, and tried it myself. The results were surprising and beautiful.
This is a post teaching you how to date yourself.
To date yourself, you need to treat it like a real first date. Dress in something you love wearing. Try to make yourself look bright, approachable. Feel excited about getting to know someone. Think about the possibilities the future might hold. (You might also sweat a good amount due to nervousness, but just wear some deodorant. You’ll be fine.)
To date yourself, you must go into it without any judgement or conscious knowledge of your flaws. You’re going on a first date, so how much could you really know about past mistakes or failures or embarrassing moments? Try your best to block these memories out if they come up – you have plenty of time to think about them after the date is over.
To date yourself, you are to pick a place to go that makes you feel at ease. It should be aesthetically pleasing, and not too intense of an environment. Recommend to yourself your favorite coffee shop or restaurant. (This is your favorite place too? What are the odds?)
To date yourself, you have to bring up important first date questions. Ask yourself, what have you been up to recently? What are your hobbies, your passions? Could you describe your workplace, your school, the way your room is decorated? What is your favorite book? Does it make you cry or make you want to hug your mom? What’s your dog like? What makes you happy? Don’t think too hard about the answers.
To date yourself, be compelled to touch on more serious topics. Would you want children one day? What are your religious views? What do you agree with? Disagree with? What are you most afraid of? Is there something you’ve been holding on to? You might be surprised at what you learn.
To date yourself, you’re required to smile. Recall your favorite memories. Relive the best parts of your childhood. Think about the time you almost peed your pants while making jokes with your best friends – how your head was throbbing and abdomen tightening from all of the laughter. Bring up a moment when someone was unbelievably kind to you.
To date yourself, you’re obligated to be kind to yourself. Compliment yourself on the way your hair looks, or how the sunlight touches your face at just the right angle. Recognize how lovely you are when you’re meditating on something that really moves you. You’re even allowed to consider the possibility that you might love yourself.
When you’re done with the date, think about how the day went. Think about how you made yourself feel. Think about how interesting you were, and what things about yourself you want to discuss further. Think about what things you really, really enjoyed.
Consider a second date.
