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Coming Out In College
Nina | May 9, 2017

Freshman year, I couldn’t even look at the LGBT center. I pretended it didn’t exist. I never really needed to walk toward that side of campus anyway, but if I happened to pass by I would immediately direct my attention to anything but the really warm looking brick building with a bright rainbow flag attached to the outside of it. Sure, it looked welcoming… and the people going in and out of it seemed cool and friendly… but me? Walk inside? Sit in there and eat free food and do homework in a well lit space made especially for people who needed a safe and inclusive environment??? It was too frightening to imagine.

I don’t remember exactly what my “breaking point” was, but I do remember the feeling of not being able to contain it any longer. I felt like I was going to burst, by body aching with the fullness of the secret. When you hide parts of yourself long enough, they start to eat away at you, and you start to question whether or not it’s normal – or even right – to live with the duality.

The very first time I told someone it was a complete accident. I had just finished having a karaoke night with my dance team, and my friend asked me if I had a crush on anyone. I told her about someone I did really like at the time – *gasp* a girl! – and my friend didn’t skip a beat when asking about her. I found out that she is also queer, and we had a really fantastic conversation about life and dating over some bubble tea. I felt a huge weight lift off of me – just like in a movie or something – and I almost started crying. It felt so natural and easy and I didn’t feel afraid to share.

After that night, I started talking with others about it. At first it felt awkward and a bit forced to bring it up, but after receiving so much support from my friends – both at school and back home – I felt a newfound confidence pushing me forward. I even went to an event at the LGBT center, which had a discussion theme of “coming out” where we all talked about our experiences with a small group of people. I remember that I was shaking when I first opened my mouth to speak, and I was sweating so much that I thought my shirt was going to be ruined by the time I left the building. I looked over at one of my friends who had told me about the event, and she gave me an encouraging smile after I was done sharing. In that moment I could feel her beaming with pride, and I felt proud of myself too.

Looking back on my freshman year, I almost can’t believe how timid and unsure I was about being involved with the vibrant LGBT+ community at Penn. Last year, I served as a board member for QSA (Queer Student Alliance), the same club that hosted the “coming out” event I was so nervous to attend. I’m also a board member of Nurses at Penn Understanding Sexuality in Healthcare (NursesPUSH), which advocates for the rights of queer students, holds events to educate students and medical professionals about approaching healthcare for LGBT+ people and works alongside faculty to create an environment at the School of Nursing that fosters greater acceptance and understanding of LGBT+ peers and patients (but really – it’s very casual). Recently, I was even “tapped” for Carriage Senior Society, which is for LGBT+ identifying juniors and seniors, as well as allies, who have made an impact on the queer community at Penn.

While the biggest support system I’ve had here are my incredible friends, I also have to give so much credit to the people and spaces that have made me feel safe and welcomed throughout this journey. The Penn LGBT Center and everyone who works there, Penn Lambda Alliance and all of its members, Penn QSANursesPUSH, my LGBT center mentor, my amazing sophomore year therapist at CAPS, and so many others.

Moving to a college campus and away from my familiar surroundings gave me the chance to not only expand my worldview, but also to see myself through a new lens. Being able to figure things out on my own, try amazing new things, and meet new people gave me a confidence I never knew I needed.

While I still experience some difficult times, both in accepting myself and receiving acceptance from others, I know that I have a solid foundation here at Penn to fall back on. This has not always been an easy journey, but it’s been so empowering to know how strong the LGBT+ community is here, and how many people want me to succeed while being my true self.

This post is by no means an account of my entire “coming out story” – I’m not sure I would have the time or energy to write out a post that long. If you feel it would benefit you to hear stories in totality (or just some more quick snippets), I recommend you check out YouTube for some seriously great videos, like this one and this one that have really helped me a lot!

About the author
Nina

I'm majoring in Nursing and minoring in Creative Writing. Although I grew up on a farm in South Jersey, my heart lies in the city. As for my campus involvement, I'm a dancer in Penn Masti, a radio DJ at WQHS Radio, and co-chair of Penn SNUGS (Penn Student Nurses Understanding Gender and Sexuality). I'm constantly caught in a daydream, have a passion for helping others, and plan on building myself an extraordinary life. Join me on my journey!

All photos are mine unless otherwise noted.

 

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